This is a message for you
Break ups are not easy and “breaking up” with someone who was never really yours to begin with I think makes it even harder, but sometimes we just have to let go. We can no longer hold on to the things that hold us down or drain the life out of us. As a girl, I feel that we tend to hold on longer than we should because we want an explanation. A reason for why it turned out the way that it did, but the truth is sometimes you aren’t going to get an answer. And even if you do it’s most likely not going to be the one you are looking for. It’ll probably leave you with even more questions that you already have. You loved him and you gave the relationship everything you could, but for whatever reason, it just didn’t work out. In the end we all have to learn that we can’t fix people. We can’t change them and we can’t make them feel something that they don’t. If they choose to walk away from you, let them go. There is nothing more that you can do and the energy it takes to try and fight to hold on to someone who is doing everything they can to push you away is just not worth it.
SO WHAT NOW?
Here you are, sad and your heart is broken. All you really want to do is grab a gallon of Edy’s ice cream and sit in your bed and cry while watching “The Lucky One” by Nicholas Sparks. Believe me, I’ve been there. We all have. But what good is that going to do? What satisfaction will that give you? Is he laying in his bed crying? No. Is he thinking about you right now? No. Does he miss you so bad it hurts? No. Because the harsh truth is this: if he was doing any of those things right now, he’d know where to find you. The only thing stopping him from being with you is himself. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself while he’s out living his life, my advice to you is this:
Take that anger, that sadness, that frustration and use it. Put it into something that will help you better yourself. Use the time you have by yourself to figure out who you are, what you want and what you deserve. Know your value and what you have to offer someone. Just because the last person didn’t see it, doesn’t mean the next person won’t, but you have to see it in yourself first before anyone worthy of it can have it. So wipe away those tears right now and put that gallon of ice cream back in the freezer, put on some makeup and a cute spring outfit and pull yourself together. The next guy is out there somewhere and he’s not gonna be able to find you if you’re lying in your bed with Nicholas Sparks.
Stay strong, love yourself, know what you deserve and don’t settle for anything less!
Happy Monday Friends!
Let’s face it, dating at any age is difficult. Finding someone you can live with day in and day out is a challenge. But, dating at 30 sometimes can seem a bit hopeless. Everyone you know is already married, their friends are married and here you are trying to figure out where you go from here. While I can’t sprinkle pixie dust over your head and have Prince Charming magically appear I can tell you a bit of what I’ve learned for myself as I start to unravel this whole relationship thing. So here we go:
- Be comfortable with the uncomfortable: Go on a date with someone that isn’t “your type.” It’s time to step out of your box. The type of guy you normally go for clearly isn’t working for you, so take a chance, and try something different. At this point you’ve got nothing to lose.
- Uncross your arms and smile: Have you ever paid attention to the way you walk the sidewalk, sit at a bar or social event? I know I’m guilty of looking like the most miserable person ever when I’m not paying attention. That can’t make someone want to approach you. So smile, wave, uncross your arms and engage. You never know who’ll be walking by.
- Time will not change anyone: Yes, I know you like him. I know you want it to work out, but If you aren’t walking in the same direction and you don’t see the same future, cut him loose. You’ll be doing both of you a favor.
- Know Your Worth: Don’t ever settle for anything less than you deserve. There is someone out there who will balance your life. Someone who will support you, love you and listen to you. You deserve someone who makes you smile, gives you excited and adds to your life what you feel you’ve always been missing. So stop wasting time on the guys you know don’t deserve you and wait for the one who does.
- Watch for Red Flags: We are all guilty of this. Hindsight is always 20/20. We look back and we say how did I not see that? Or I should’ve known better. Look for the red flags. You’ll see them. And my advice, at the first sign of one…. Run. Don’t stick around for more. You don’t have time for that. On to the next.
Believe me, I know we all want to find someone eventually, but in the meantime enjoy your alone time. And honestly, just enjoy being you. There’s so much you can learn about yourself while your single that will make you so much more prepared for the next relationship that comes along. Spend your time doing that and the right one will come along when you’re ready.
This weekend reminded me of what it was like to be young and innocent. It reminded me of butterflies, long goodbyes and laughing so hard your stomach hurts. But with those moments of happiness also comes the fear that is all too familiar. The fear of taking a leap of faith, putting yourself out there and having no idea how in the world how it’s going to end. Wanting to trust your heart when it’s telling you to let them in. To live in the moment and enjoy whatever it is that may come. And just when you can feel yourself begin to fall you remember the scars. The ones that still exist from a past better off forgotten. How do you take a heart that is still fragile and give it away in its most vulnerable form? It’s terrifying. Learning to once again give someone else the power to care for it, to nurture it, never being able to guarantee the outcome. It scares the hell out of me. It makes me want to turn and run and protect myself from it all.
I spent the last couple of nights trying to convince myself that it would be different this time around, but the truth is you’re never really gonna know. No one can really promise you forever. I mean sure they can say it, but how do they really know that 5 or 10 or even 20 years down the road they’ll still feel that way? They can’t guarantee it. No matter how hard they may want to try, there’s always a chance you’re going to get to hurt. I’ve come to the conclusion that what you really have to decide isn’t whether or not that person is going to hurt you, but whether or not the person standing there in front of you is worth the risk. If the memories you’re creating are worth more than the “what ifs.” And the only thing you can hope for is that they feel the same way about you in that moment that you do them. That they too have stood in your shoes and know all too well the feeling of pain and heartache and are just as afraid, yet they are willing to take the same risk. To stop living life and approaching love with one foot outside the door and like you, for first time in a long time jump with both feet all the way in.
Perhaps that is the reason our hearts are not made unbreakable. Maybe it is only once you’ve felt that kind of pain do you truly understand how to care for another. That you accept love fully only after you’ve lost it and understand the courage it takes to be given again. Because perhaps you never really learn how to love until you’ve been broken.