2017, you came in like a lion and went out like one too. You were rough. You challenged my spirit and made me question my life’s path. At times you knocked me down, but at the same time, you reignited my passion. You brought out my strength and made me believe that I can be whoever it is I choose to be.
In 2017, I put writing on the back burner. For whatever reason, I just didn’t have it in me. Days and weeks would pass when I didn’t write a word. I kept using time as the problem by saying that I didn’t have enough of it. The truth though was that I did have time. I just had more excuses. I didn’t want it bad enough. I needed a break.
This week, as I sit down to reflect on my goals, I can feel it. I can feel the fire slowly burning inside of me. I want to write again. I want to finish the story I started two years ago and then… I want to write more. I want to create more stories for people to escape to. I want to write about life, adventure, love and truth.
Along with those words, I want to show the world through the eyes of a writer. How I interpret what I see around me. Where my inspiration comes from. The way words heal my soul and how I escape when it becomes too much.
So, if you’d like to tag along, you’re in the right place. I’ll be writing all about the journey here and you can subscribe below!
2018, I can see it now. You’re going to be the best year yet!
This is a message for you
Break ups are not easy and “breaking up” with someone who was never really yours to begin with I think makes it even harder, but sometimes we just have to let go. We can no longer hold on to the things that hold us down or drain the life out of us. As a girl, I feel that we tend to hold on longer than we should because we want an explanation. A reason for why it turned out the way that it did, but the truth is sometimes you aren’t going to get an answer. And even if you do it’s most likely not going to be the one you are looking for. It’ll probably leave you with even more questions that you already have. You loved him and you gave the relationship everything you could, but for whatever reason, it just didn’t work out. In the end we all have to learn that we can’t fix people. We can’t change them and we can’t make them feel something that they don’t. If they choose to walk away from you, let them go. There is nothing more that you can do and the energy it takes to try and fight to hold on to someone who is doing everything they can to push you away is just not worth it.
SO WHAT NOW?
Here you are, sad and your heart is broken. All you really want to do is grab a gallon of Edy’s ice cream and sit in your bed and cry while watching “The Lucky One” by Nicholas Sparks. Believe me, I’ve been there. We all have. But what good is that going to do? What satisfaction will that give you? Is he laying in his bed crying? No. Is he thinking about you right now? No. Does he miss you so bad it hurts? No. Because the harsh truth is this: if he was doing any of those things right now, he’d know where to find you. The only thing stopping him from being with you is himself. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself while he’s out living his life, my advice to you is this:
Take that anger, that sadness, that frustration and use it. Put it into something that will help you better yourself. Use the time you have by yourself to figure out who you are, what you want and what you deserve. Know your value and what you have to offer someone. Just because the last person didn’t see it, doesn’t mean the next person won’t, but you have to see it in yourself first before anyone worthy of it can have it. So wipe away those tears right now and put that gallon of ice cream back in the freezer, put on some makeup and a cute spring outfit and pull yourself together. The next guy is out there somewhere and he’s not gonna be able to find you if you’re lying in your bed with Nicholas Sparks.
Stay strong, love yourself, know what you deserve and don’t settle for anything less!
Happy Monday Friends!
This weekend reminded me of what it was like to be young and innocent. It reminded me of butterflies, long goodbyes and laughing so hard your stomach hurts. But with those moments of happiness also comes the fear that is all too familiar. The fear of taking a leap of faith, putting yourself out there and having no idea how in the world how it’s going to end. Wanting to trust your heart when it’s telling you to let them in. To live in the moment and enjoy whatever it is that may come. And just when you can feel yourself begin to fall you remember the scars. The ones that still exist from a past better off forgotten. How do you take a heart that is still fragile and give it away in its most vulnerable form? It’s terrifying. Learning to once again give someone else the power to care for it, to nurture it, never being able to guarantee the outcome. It scares the hell out of me. It makes me want to turn and run and protect myself from it all.
I spent the last couple of nights trying to convince myself that it would be different this time around, but the truth is you’re never really gonna know. No one can really promise you forever. I mean sure they can say it, but how do they really know that 5 or 10 or even 20 years down the road they’ll still feel that way? They can’t guarantee it. No matter how hard they may want to try, there’s always a chance you’re going to get to hurt. I’ve come to the conclusion that what you really have to decide isn’t whether or not that person is going to hurt you, but whether or not the person standing there in front of you is worth the risk. If the memories you’re creating are worth more than the “what ifs.” And the only thing you can hope for is that they feel the same way about you in that moment that you do them. That they too have stood in your shoes and know all too well the feeling of pain and heartache and are just as afraid, yet they are willing to take the same risk. To stop living life and approaching love with one foot outside the door and like you, for first time in a long time jump with both feet all the way in.
Perhaps that is the reason our hearts are not made unbreakable. Maybe it is only once you’ve felt that kind of pain do you truly understand how to care for another. That you accept love fully only after you’ve lost it and understand the courage it takes to be given again. Because perhaps you never really learn how to love until you’ve been broken.
I saw a picture of a little girl the other day. So innocent and carefree. In her hand she held something so minuscule and simple, but by the look on her face you would have thought it to be the greatest gift she’d ever received. She had not a care in the world and everything was as it should be.
Why she was so excited, I’m not sure I’ll ever know, but that picture, it got me thinking. Why do we take life so seriously? Why do we always have to have a destination? It seems when we get there, it’s always time to pick up and go somewhere else anyway. Like where we are is never enough, it’s always about where we are going. Sure, it’s exciting to think about the unknown. The mystery and uncertainty is part of the intrigue that pulls us toward it. But how many times has the future really ended up the way we envisioned it? The truth is, we do not have a crystal ball, we cannot close our eyes and have the end all be all flash before us. We really are just a passenger on this ride we call life. There are times when we crash, hit bumps in the road, go around a sharp curb that throws us off our game, but those are the moments that we discover ourselves. When we learn what we are capable of. We are who we are today because of what happened to us, because of what we’ve been through, not because of where we haven’t ended up yet.
That little girl in the picture…she is all grown up now. And sometimes she forgets how amazing life is. How lucky she is to be where she is. Sometimes she lets what happened to her effect what she’s become. And sometimes she worries so much about where she is going and how she will get there that she forgets about the time when she had the whole world at her fingertips. So today, I’m reminding her (and all of you) to forget about yesterday, we can’t change it. Stop worrying about tomorrow, we can’t control it. Just live in today. Appreciate the here and now. The simple things, the little things that we can’t get back.
Smile, look around, take it all in. Then wake up tomorrow and do it all over again.
P.s….. feel free to keep scrolling to see that little girl
Thanks little girl for the reminder today :)